Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Meaning of Sex

NB: I am, personally, a virgin.  Much of the below is academic, having little empirical experience to back up anything I say.


These are interesting times, indeed.  We are seeing a new sexual revolution being birthed upon the world.  While it does not necessarily span the world, there is a new generation raising to carry the mantle of Dr Ruth and her colleagues.  This is important, for many of us live in cultures where one of the most profound and pivotal aspects of human existence is shunned and hidden.


I'm not certain where it came from, or when it happened.  At some point, we went mad.  Maybe we were always mad.  I do not profess to a sufficient knowledge of history to comment on that point.  There was a point where sex and human sexuality became bad things.  Things that had to be hidden and concealed, things that one should feel shameful about.  This is bizarre to me, there isn't a single human being on this planet who isn't the result of sperm meeting egg.  For most, this happened in a vagina.  There are some for whom this occurred in a petri dish, though they be rare as yet.  The thing is, your parents had sex.  Odds are they still do.  Their parents had sex.  And theirs, and so on.  Going back for thousands, or millions of years(depending on your particular personal beliefs).  This is so fundamental to human existence that there are ancient statues that depict masturbation.  Before clothing, before agriculture, before language, we had sex.  You cannot come up to me and pretend that this is something we should be ashamed of. 


Even the dildo itself is ancient.  The egyptians had them, the greeks and the romans had them.  There is evidence for paleolithic dildos.  Humanity and human sexuality has never changed.  We are tool makers, should it be such a surprise, then, that we make tools for sex?  Should kink be a surprise?  Can you honestly think of a single thing that all humanity does the same way?  Why should sex be different?  We need to grow up here and be realistic.  These are ancient things, and normal.  A person should be able to celebrate the joy they can bring, instead of being trapped in self-mutilating shame.  People really do suffer because of these absurd notions.  There are husbands and wives who have almost no physical intimacy because they don't know the anatomy involved, they don't know the psychology and they don't know what's normal.


There are many who speak very strongly against things like BDSM.  I do not profess to have broad-reaching statistics, I can only draw on what I have seen.  I have seen married couples who practiced BDSM.  I have known them.  You really wouldn't be able to pick these people out in a crowd.  They are very normal, and do not stand out at all.  What I did see was love.  An extremely intimate relationship, forged on a spanking bench.  A very deeply seated trust of each other.  Because they had explored their sexuality together, instead of treating it as something mystical and hidden, they were able to derive enormous amounts of joy from it.  I do not understand how someone can see this as a bad thing.  We even know that when two people find life long intimacy and love together, it quite literally extends their lives.  I see nothing injurious here.  I see no erosion of morality, no negative impact.  Am I biased?  Perhaps.  I have, to date, not been able to find any problems with this. 


It seems to be well known that women have social pressures on them to behave a certain way, to act as the 'gatekeepers' to sex, if you will.  I think it gets ignored just how much social pressures screw up men.  For one, there is the expectation that a man should intuitively know how to please a woman.  The notion is patently absurd!  No two women are alike.  All have different likes and dislikes, just like men.  It is unfathomable to me how to people can have sex together, without communicating needs and desires, and expect to get everything they can out of the experience.  It's going to be crappy!  This should be assumed from the outset.  There needs to be communication and understanding.  It's okay to say to a woman, "there's something I want to try, let me know how it feels."  Humanity managed to make it to the moon using the scientific method, maybe it's good enough for sex. 


Secondly, we seem to harbour an absurd fascination with size.  Women feel inadequate because their breasts are too small, and men feel inadequate because their penises are too small.  This is a complete and total humbug.  Speaking as a man, in regards to breasts.  I have conducted a survey of my male friends on this very topic.  The opinion, nearly unanimous, has been that the ideal size for a woman's breast is roughly a handful.  This translates to roughly a B or C cup.  With regards the penis, I have not been able to conduct such a quiz of women.  It would seem, however, that far too many men think they are below average.  This is genuinely harmful to people.  We must remember that size genuinely isn't as relevant as it may appear.  In fact, for giving pleasure to a woman, the penis really doesn't seem to be the best tool for the job.  Men need to learn to love their penises, and appreciate them for their value.


Third, the stereotype that men are shallow, stupid brutes.  This is one of my personal pet peeves.  I enjoy opera, I enjoy ballet and going out dancing.  I am completely heterosexual.  A woman's looks aren't nearly as important to me as her personality.  If she has a great personality, I won't care what she looks like.  Seriously.  Further, I love women who take an interest in things.  It doesn't have to be technology, but for gods sake display some passion, will you?  This isn't unique to myself.  I speak, chiefly, as a geek/hacker and someone who derives a great deal of enjoyment from tech.  Geek girls are prized and cherished, because they can share in the things we love. 


These are a few thoughts which have come to me just recently, considering blog posts and many happenings.

Friday, September 07, 2007

The Mainstreaming of Rubber

As a rubberist, latex holds a special place in my heart.  It's comforting, soft, warm.  The scent of it makes me feel safe and protected.  It's liberating, in it I can be free.  While this appears extraordinarily strange to many, it brings me a great deal of joy.  This is why seeing latex becoming more mainstream makes me happy.  I know there are many who feel that something special to them is being degraded by this.  I have never seen it this way.  To me, it means that many who may never have even considered latex for clothing will be trying it.  Some of them will find in it the same joy that I do.  An intrinsic part of something making you happy is the desire to share it with others.  Rubber becoming mainstream can only benefit the rubberist, making fetish gear cheaper than ever and more readily available.  It can even help to wash away the stigma associated with having a fetish. 

Thursday, December 21, 2006

My thoughts...


Just found this picture on the skintwo website. You know, I think that about sums the whole thing up. It seems shocking and strange, but I can no more change this than a leopard his spots.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Shaving Up

In my experiments with wearing latex over the long term, I've found shaving my legs is very helpful. I'm mostly not a very hairy person(most of my friends swear that I shave my arms, which I don't), but my waist down is as though it came off a completely different person. Very hairy compared to the rest of my body. I've decided I don't really like body hair, and in the effort of experimenting with shaving it off to various degrees, I have found latex to be more comfortable to wear over the long term. It's more comfortable. There is deffinitely less of a tendancy for itching, and the rubber feels ohhhh soo good directly against the skin!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

All men are doms, all women are subs

In kinky circles, sometimes that seems to be the norm. I know it's not that simple, there's a lot of shades of grey in between. Certainly the alt.com personals are dominated by that stereotype, however. The sexual experiences they're looking for seem... narrow to me. At least most do. I have difficulty pinning my desires squarely into the sub/dom framework. My preferences are for more flexibility. That's fine, it's my kink, and I make what I want of it. There seem to be a lot of people who enjoy the strict roles and protocol. Personally, it's not my taste.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

In truth, for me, latex is not altogether sexual. It's like silk, in a way. I love it's feel. With Google Video and YouTube really taking off, I would like to see more videos regarding latex. But, more than just porn. I want to see real people, enjoying their fetish. I want to know how they relate to it in their lives.

Also, I think there would be value in people doing vanilla things, in rubber. A fetish ball isn't the only place to wear latex! What about a group of people who enjoy rubber, just spending an evening together? Almost like a munch, but on a smaller scale. In this day and age, latex is starting to become something mainstream. It's not that bizarre to wear latex in public anymore. Granted, there are many small towns where you still can't do this. I would venture to say, however, that if you are in a sufficiently metropolitan center, going out with a rubber shirt or pants or something similar really wouldn't be a problem. It may even garner some praise - latex represents some of the most bold of modern haute couture. We are beginning to see it everywhere. Not only this, but what once a nearly exclusive male fetish is beginning to see more and more women taking an interest.

My hypothesis, ultimately, is that there are at least as many rubber women as there are rubber men. Is this such a strange notion? I think not. This view of women as somehow asexual beings is little more than a victorian humbug. Indeed, the victorian condition of hysteria was ultimately just the poor girl being horny. In my experience, in many cases, women have a stronger desire for sex than men do! It seems fundamentally unreasonable to beleive that this imbalance between male/female fetishists is something normal. It is indeed an abnormality, that is primarily culturally induced. Fortunately, as time progresses, our culture is gradually managing to correct this fault.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

The Girl

I don't know how I met her. She contacted me, out of the blue. We began to talk, to explore and probe each other's souls through the ephemeral electrons between us. I am in complete awe of her, she is amazing. Incredible. Astounding. She is so unbeleivably amazing. She is kinky, intelligent, enjoys history and literature. She loves rockabilly. She wants to learn swing dancing. How can it be, that someone so incredible, just falls into your life? I'm out of breath. It's so astounding. We where talking last night, and she mentioned this idea for a really hot scene. Feathers and hot wax. I would be tied to the bed, and she would tickle me with feathers and drip hot wax onto my eagerly waiting flesh.

I still shudder with delight at the thought. She's incredible, I never in a million years thought I would meet someone like her. I don't think there is anyone else like her. She is unique.