NB: I am, personally, a virgin. Much of the below is academic, having little empirical experience to back up anything I say.
These are interesting times, indeed. We are seeing a new sexual revolution being birthed upon the world. While it does not necessarily span the world, there is a new generation raising to carry the mantle of Dr Ruth and her colleagues. This is important, for many of us live in cultures where one of the most profound and pivotal aspects of human existence is shunned and hidden.
I'm not certain where it came from, or when it happened. At some point, we went mad. Maybe we were always mad. I do not profess to a sufficient knowledge of history to comment on that point. There was a point where sex and human sexuality became bad things. Things that had to be hidden and concealed, things that one should feel shameful about. This is bizarre to me, there isn't a single human being on this planet who isn't the result of sperm meeting egg. For most, this happened in a vagina. There are some for whom this occurred in a petri dish, though they be rare as yet. The thing is, your parents had sex. Odds are they still do. Their parents had sex. And theirs, and so on. Going back for thousands, or millions of years(depending on your particular personal beliefs). This is so fundamental to human existence that there are ancient statues that depict masturbation. Before clothing, before agriculture, before language, we had sex. You cannot come up to me and pretend that this is something we should be ashamed of.
Even the dildo itself is ancient. The egyptians had them, the greeks and the romans had them. There is evidence for paleolithic dildos. Humanity and human sexuality has never changed. We are tool makers, should it be such a surprise, then, that we make tools for sex? Should kink be a surprise? Can you honestly think of a single thing that all humanity does the same way? Why should sex be different? We need to grow up here and be realistic. These are ancient things, and normal. A person should be able to celebrate the joy they can bring, instead of being trapped in self-mutilating shame. People really do suffer because of these absurd notions. There are husbands and wives who have almost no physical intimacy because they don't know the anatomy involved, they don't know the psychology and they don't know what's normal.
There are many who speak very strongly against things like BDSM. I do not profess to have broad-reaching statistics, I can only draw on what I have seen. I have seen married couples who practiced BDSM. I have known them. You really wouldn't be able to pick these people out in a crowd. They are very normal, and do not stand out at all. What I did see was love. An extremely intimate relationship, forged on a spanking bench. A very deeply seated trust of each other. Because they had explored their sexuality together, instead of treating it as something mystical and hidden, they were able to derive enormous amounts of joy from it. I do not understand how someone can see this as a bad thing. We even know that when two people find life long intimacy and love together, it quite literally extends their lives. I see nothing injurious here. I see no erosion of morality, no negative impact. Am I biased? Perhaps. I have, to date, not been able to find any problems with this.
It seems to be well known that women have social pressures on them to behave a certain way, to act as the 'gatekeepers' to sex, if you will. I think it gets ignored just how much social pressures screw up men. For one, there is the expectation that a man should intuitively know how to please a woman. The notion is patently absurd! No two women are alike. All have different likes and dislikes, just like men. It is unfathomable to me how to people can have sex together, without communicating needs and desires, and expect to get everything they can out of the experience. It's going to be crappy! This should be assumed from the outset. There needs to be communication and understanding. It's okay to say to a woman, "there's something I want to try, let me know how it feels." Humanity managed to make it to the moon using the scientific method, maybe it's good enough for sex.
Secondly, we seem to harbour an absurd fascination with size. Women feel inadequate because their breasts are too small, and men feel inadequate because their penises are too small. This is a complete and total humbug. Speaking as a man, in regards to breasts. I have conducted a survey of my male friends on this very topic. The opinion, nearly unanimous, has been that the ideal size for a woman's breast is roughly a handful. This translates to roughly a B or C cup. With regards the penis, I have not been able to conduct such a quiz of women. It would seem, however, that far too many men think they are below average. This is genuinely harmful to people. We must remember that size genuinely isn't as relevant as it may appear. In fact, for giving pleasure to a woman, the penis really doesn't seem to be the best tool for the job. Men need to learn to love their penises, and appreciate them for their value.
Third, the stereotype that men are shallow, stupid brutes. This is one of my personal pet peeves. I enjoy opera, I enjoy ballet and going out dancing. I am completely heterosexual. A woman's looks aren't nearly as important to me as her personality. If she has a great personality, I won't care what she looks like. Seriously. Further, I love women who take an interest in things. It doesn't have to be technology, but for gods sake display some passion, will you? This isn't unique to myself. I speak, chiefly, as a geek/hacker and someone who derives a great deal of enjoyment from tech. Geek girls are prized and cherished, because they can share in the things we love.
These are a few thoughts which have come to me just recently, considering blog posts and many happenings.
